For anybody who has lost a pet…you have my deepest condolences. A pet is never just a pet; they are a best friend…a confidante…a guardian…a keeper of secrets…they know when we are sad, and they love and trust unconditionally…
Losing your pet, whatever the circumstances, can be devastating, and can feel as though the world has suddenly stopped spinning and is standing still. Decades ago, when we said goodbye to our elderly labrador Timmy, my parents brought home another dog the next day, which was lovely, but I was still missing Timmy; in those days it was assumed that you would just go and get another pet. Nowadays it is accepted that losing your pet is a bereavement to be worked through; the bereavement process can feel tough as you move through phases, but it is healing, and can be cathartic.
There are several stages of grief ranging from Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. And I’m going to add Guilt. Most pet parents who I have spoken with have experienced guilt. Please let me reassure you – you are not experiencing guilt because you’ve done anything wrong – no, it’s the contrary; you’re experiencing guilt because you’ve been a good pet parent and are caring enough that you are feeling you could have done more, and are doubting yourself. It’s the shock of the loss that causes the Amygdala (that negative, emotional part of our limbic system that only thinks in the present moment) to send out contrasting messages. I’ll explain more about the brain over the next few weeks. And, even if the loss of your pet is anticipated, it will still probably be a shock, so be kind to yourself, and know that you did your best for your pet – be proud of that.
There is no right or wrong way to process your grief; no minimum or maximum time limit and no order in which you process the stages of grief. I use the metaphor of a car journey from the South Coast to Scotland that we all make at some stage; we all make the journey differently, with some of us taking a direct route, some of us getting lost and retracing our steps, some of us making stops along the way and some of us taking a more scenic route. But we all reach our destination.
Over the next few weeks I will be adding information to help cope with pet loss; feel free to share the information, or refer my website to somebody who may benefit.