We usually hope that the morning will be a fresh and hopeful start to a new day.  However, for many people, this just isn’t the case; they wake with their mind racing, feeling tight chested and with a sense of dread without necessarily being able to pinpoint why.  Let’s look at why this happens…   

Why anxiety can feel so much stronger in the morning       

It’s actually more scientific than you may realise…

• Cortisol peaks.   Our bodies release higher levels of cortisol just after we wake.  Cortisol is a stress hormone and, in small amounts, it can help us to be alert and focused.  This cortisol surge can amplify mental or physical symptoms of anxiety that already exist.
• Mind Processing.  Our brains are wired to process the day ahead of us; this may include unfinished tasks, conversations or rumination about issues.
• Brain Processing during REM sleep.   While we are in our stage 4 Rapid Eye Movement sleep, our brain works on issues that have built up in our metaphorical “stress bucket” during the day.  The brain can only work on a certain amount of anxiety, so we may wake in the morning with unresolved issues still in our stress bucket.
• Low Blood Sugar.   If we’ve been lying in bed for a few hours, we probably won’t have eaten, so we wake with low blood sugar.  Symptoms can include irritability, trembling and a sense of unease or even dread.

Small tweaks we can make…

• Do as much preparation as possible the previous evening so that there is more opportunity to start the following day in a relaxed frame of mind.
• Don’t hit the snooze button.  Set your alarm as late as possible so that you get up as soon as the alarm sounds.   Snooze time is likely to be spent ruminating on the day ahead rather than actually snoozing.
• Slow breathing will help to reassure the limbic system (the fight/flight/freeze part of our brain) that you are not in any danger, and it can start to relax.  A breathing exercise such as 7-4-11 (breathe in for a count of 7, hold for a count of 4 and release for a count of 11) done for just a couple of minutes will start to calm the nervous system.  If you breathe out longer than you breathe in you will stimulate your vagus nerve, which will help to decrease anxiety while improving emotional regulation.
• Gentle movement such as stretching will help to stabilise cortisol and will calm the limbic system.
• If you can take yourself outside for about fifteen or twenty minutes your circadian rhythm will activate the production of melanin during the evening, which will help with sleep.
• Take a few minutes before accessing social media.  This will keep your mind calm before information and news start to activate your limbic system.
• Break the whole day into small, manageable steps; focus on one job at a time, such as checking what you are going to wear, or what you have set aside that needs to go into your bag.
• Don’t skip breakfast.  Eating something will help to stabilise the blood sugar level; this will reduce physical symptoms such as the feeling of dread that resembles anxiety.
• Recognise it for what it is; a physical reaction to low blood sugar and increased cortisol.  Acknowledge it as a reaction that will pass once your day is underway.
• Create a Morning Ritual that will help you to ease gently into the day; calming tea, sitting out in the garden, a gentle stretching routine, meditation or praying, listening to calming music…

I hope you have found my article interesting.  My solution-focused hypnotherapy approach can help with reducing anxiety while building self-belief and self-confidence.  If you would like me to help, please feel free to contact me.

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

07375 122742

Resource Reference

Bergland, C, (May, 2024), Longer Exhalations Are an Easy Way to Hack Your Vagus Nerve, available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/the-athletes-way

Night Frights

“I’m paralysed. How am I going to walk the dog?” was my immediate reaction when I opened my eyes one Spring morning, eight years ago.  The sun was streaming under the curtains, it was a beautiful morning…and I couldn’t move a muscle.  While my limbs were paralysed, my mind, on the other hand, was overactive, and my thoughts flipped wildly between “I’ve got locked-in syndrome” and “the house is haunted – we’ll have to move!”.  Both equally terrifying.  I couldn’t even scream or alert my husband.  The only thing I could do was close my eyes and hope it would go away…which of course it did.  That was my first (and hopefully last) experience of sleep paralysis and the syndrome known as “hypnopompia”…   

My sleep routine is not good; I play on my devices until very late evening…I go to bed far too late for a good night’s sleep before I wake up…my fibromyalgia doesn’t help with falling asleep and probably contributes to my insomnia…I wake up several times during the night, and I eat what I want during the evening…

That experience eight years ago prompted me to research sleep issues which led to an amazing discovery…not only did I learn about disorders, but I was able to relate my own experiences, and those of my husband, to recognised disorders…

Hypnogogia 

When we go to sleep our aim is to reach the stage 4 rapid eye movement deep level of sleep, as this is where our brain processes stresses and moves them from the limbic system to our more rational pre-frontal cortex, to be processed in a more narrative, helpful way.  To reach this stage we have to move through non rapid eye movement stages.  As we transition from being awake to being in the first stages of sleep we can experience highly sensory phenomena such as visual images, muscle jerks, sounds and sensations.  I remember the sensation of what seemed like a small creature sliding into the bed next to me and pushing what felt like a small hand up through my lightly clenched fist.  I’ve also had a sensation of landing, following a fall, and, on many occasions, I’ve felt my arms jerking.  At this time we are moving from alpha to theta brainwaves and our rational pre-frontal cortex activity is decreased, while our secondary visual cortex and other brain regions stay active, resulting in visual and auditory hallucinations.

Hypnopompia

This is the reverse effect, where the brain is transitioning from sleep to being awake.  As well as my sleep paralysis experience described above, my husband has experienced waking and being aware of a long-haired lady moving around the room, before seeing me fast asleep.  This was a very vivid experience for him, and he took some convincing that, not only was it a hypnopompic experience, but it was a fairly well-known phenomenon.  During sleep paralysis the amygdala (part of our limbic system associated with fight, flight and freeze) is particularly active and there is reduced activity in our rational pre-frontal cortex.  When we wake suddenly from our stage 4 rapid eye movement sleep, our brain may have been processing stresses in the form of dreams and, as a self-defensive mechanism, sleep paralysis prevents us from acting on our dreams.

Night Terrors

Affecting mainly children, but also experienced by adults, night terrors are mainly experienced during the earlier sleep stages and may involve screaming, thrashing about, jumping out of bed and eyes being open but not awake.  There will be little recollection in the morning.  There are several factors that can contribute to night terrors, including watching a scary film, stress, anxiety, antidepressants, sudden noises and sleep apnoea.

Hypnic Jerks

These happen just as we are about to fall asleep.  It can be the whole body, but is usually the legs.  They can be brought on by stress or caffeine, as well as not enough sleep.

Studies (Blackmore, Cox, 2000) suggest that these experiences are very common, with up to 70% of people experiencing something at some stage.  This may even account for at least some paranormal claims.

All these issues can feel very alarming but please be reassured that they are not uncommon.  If they persist, check with your GP.  Treatment can include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and counselling.  If you experience sleep paralysis; acknowledge it for what it is, close your eyes and try to go back to sleep.

Let’s look at how we can improve our sleep routine

• A warm bath will relax muscles, and cooling down afterwards will release melatonin, the sleep-inducing hormone 
• Switch off electronic devices at least an hour before bedtime
• Keep the bedroom cool
• Avoid alcohol from early afternoon
• The scent of lavender dabbed on a pillow can be relaxing
• Similarly, hops can have a sedative affect, although their aroma may not be as attractive as lavender
• A Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a lovely way to wind down. Starting from your head and working down, or from your feet and working up, slowly clench each muscle group, hold for a few seconds, then release and feel the tension flowing away.  This is especially relaxing when using music such as meditation music

I hope you have found my article interesting.  If you think my solution-focused hypnotherapy can help with insomnia and related anxiety please don’t hesitate to contact me.

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

07375 122742

Resource Reference

Blackmore, S, Cox, M, Alien Abductions, Sleep Paralysis and the Temporal Lobe, available at: https://susanblackmore.uk

 

 

 

We’re all familiar with the world-famous Santorini sunsets, and the decades-old evening ritual of flocking to the cliff edge to watch as the sun slowly sinks beneath the horizon, bringing the day slowly to a close, before the Island is illuminated by twinkling night lights. 

An evening ritual is a signal to your body to calm itself, to gradually disengage from the day’s activities and to prepare for restful sleep before starting another day.  Benefits include improved quality of sleep, which leads to reduced anxiety and stress, greater focus and mental clarity, and better physical health.  There is also research (Whale, Gooberman-Hill, 2022) to suggest that better sleep can reduce pain.  For maximum effectiveness, the ritual should start about 60 minutes before you go to bed.  It should be a consistent habit, it should be a gentle transition and it should be relaxing.  Making it a habit will allow the brain to “default” to feeling relaxed as soon as you start your ritual.

Here are my suggestions to incorporate into an evening ritual:

• Switch off electronic devices about an hour before you go to bed.  The blue light emitted from devices suppresses melatonin – the sleep hormone.  This makes it harder to fall asleep.  Try substituting electronic devices with reading a book – this will help to slow your mind.
• Journalling can help to promote better sleep and reduce anxiety.  It can be anything from writing down things that we may be thankful for, things that have been positive or writing out a to-do list for the following day
• A warm bath or shower two hours before bed can help by raising your body’s core temperature and then allowing it to cool rapidly.  The warmth will relax muscles, and the subsequent drop in temperature releases melatonin and promotes sleepiness
• Dimming the lights, or switching from a main overhead light to a lamp, will also help the body to produce melatonin, as well as inducing a calm, relaxed atmosphere
• Create a relaxed, unhurried skin and body cleansing routine.  Brushing teeth unhurriedly, removing make up, moisturising, hand cream…all the little details that we tend not to have time for, or to do properly…
• A dab of perfume can help you to unwind.  Maybe not a citrus scent – this can be invigorating, which is great, but not what we are aiming for – but scents with notes of lavender or sandalwood can be relaxing.  It can also be sprayed onto the side of a pillow.
• Gentle stretching can help with promoting better sleep as it will relax muscles and lower cortisol, while increasing circulation and preventing muscular cramps.  When we stretch we trigger the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps the body to transition into a more restful state.  Useful yoga poses are the Child’s pose to reduce tension in the back and shoulders, the Bear Hug to stretch the upper back and the Corpse pose to still the mind
• Praying or meditating an help to reduce stress and calm the mind.  Praying can help to bring peace by surrendering worries to a higher power and knowing you are supported.  Meditation can help to reduce stress and lower the heart rate, whih will help with promoting better sleep

I hope you have found my article interesting.  Solution-focused hypnotherapy can help with sleep issues and with reducing anxiety.  Please contact me if you would like me to help you

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

07375 122742

Research reference

Whale, K, Gooberman-Hill, R (2022), The Importance of Sleep for People With Chronic Pain: Current Insights and Evidence, available at: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles

 

It’s that time of year again…that break between full-on Christmas and the arrival of the New Year.  I love this time of year; not really Christmas any more, but not quite the next chapter of life yet.

The term “Twixmas” relates to the span of time just after Boxing Day up until New Years Day, and it is believed to have originated from combining an Old English word “betwixt” with “Christmas”.

So…we’ve eaten most of the Christmas food…we’ve exchanged gifts…we’ve waved off visitors…we’ve been sociable…we’ve joined in with singing our favourite Christmas Carols…Christmas has swept past us and it’s a few days before the next big event…

Twixmas is a time to relax, reflect and recharge.  Christmas may have been a rollercoaster of over-indulgence, stress, over-spending, bright lights and sensory overload…it may have been the first Christmas without a loved one…Twixmas is the time to re-calibrate before the New Year.

Studies in Stress Management have found that intentional breaks between phases are essential for helping to regulate stress hormones and restore cognition – this leads to greater resilience for seeing in the New Year phase.

Christmas is a happy, celebratory time for many of us, but it  isn’t fun and joy for everybody; it may have been stressful and exhausting, or it may have triggered anxiety or grieving memories.  But, you’ve survived.  This is just a phase that will pass; in a few days we will be starting a new year – another chapter.

So…take a deep breath, relax with a warm drink and a snuggly, sensory throw, and gather your thoughts…

• Christmas has traditionally been a time for change; if people around you have made lifestyle changes, such as changing jobs or moving house, it can feel unsettling and as though there is a metaphorical gap.   Again, this will pass and the gap will close.  Maybe reframe anxious thoughts into positive thoughts of wishing them well.  This will, in turn, make you feel positive
• Prioritise yourself.  Choose whether you accept social invitations or requests for commitments.  It’s absolutely fine to say no.  Focus on your own wellbeing. Try some mood boosts (see below) and try to fit in some exercise; mood boosts and exercise will release feel-good endorphins, serotonin and dopamine
• If you are missing a loved one, take some of this time to honour them, and to think about them with love.  If you need to, reach out to friends and family
• Set a plan for each day, even if it’s just a small activity like walking the dog at a specific time or making sure the rubbish bins go out on the right day!  You don’t have to stick to your plan – it just helps to have a sense of structure
• Twixmas can be a time of reflection; settle down with a cup of tea, get comfortable and think about how the year has gone.  There will be highlights…and you may have had some lemons thrown at you, in which case you may be looking forward to moving into a new year.  If you are thinking about making resolutions for the new year , maybe start by using the solution-focused method of making small changes to gradually work towards your goals.  This is a far more manageable way to achieve results
• Try to ease slowly back into your normal routine.  Get back into doing what you usually do at the time that you would do it.  If (like my husband) you would normally take your decorations down straight after Christmas, maybe just take them down gradually
• If your regular activities have closed down for the Christmas school holiday; find something to occupy yourself such as a creative project or an online course, many of which are free
• If you have over-indulged over Christmas, introduce some healthier options;  even just a couple of glasses of water or a couple of pieces of fruit will make a positive difference
• Connect with friends and family; phone call, whatsapp message, zoom call, email…just connect
• Try instant mood boosts such as singing along to the radio, exercise, getting lost in a good book or a long soak in the bath
• Don’t stress about what you can’t control – focus on what you can; if (like most of us) you’ve overspent, you can’t change that, but you can focus on budgeting for January, and you can maybe budget for next Christmas by buying gifts gradually during the year
• If you are feeling lonely, don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family or work colleagues.  Also, be aware of people around you who may be feeling lonely
• Plan something positive for January; you may have heard of Blue Monday, which is supposedly the most depressing day of the year – the phrase was actually coined by a travel company to sell holidays, and there is no scientific evidence to support it – just have something to look forward t0…anything that makes you feel happy

I hope you have found my article interesting.  If you think my Solution-focused approach can help to address anxiety or low mood issues please get in touch for a free consultation.

I hope 2026 brings you everything you hope for.

Debbie x

 

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

07375 122742

 

This is a technique which I regularly share with Clients.  It’s a quick and easy technique to learn and practice and it can help to distract from moments of panic, anxiety or stress.

What is it? 

It’s a visualisation and observation technique using your five senses and it focuses your attention on the current moment.  It can be done anywhere – all you need is personal space for a few minutes.

How does it work?

By focusing on the current moment you are using your brain’s logical, rational main cortex whilst quietening down your emotional limbic system (the root of anxiety, panic and stress) and your fight or flight response.  To do the exercise you focus on your senses in turn:

5 Things you can see

Look around you and notice five things you may not usually notice – maybe the frame around the picture…the stitching on the sofa…how many books are on the top shelf of the bookcase…

4 Things you can touch

Close your eyes and feel for four things.  Fabric…furniture…your hair… Notice your sensory reaction.

3 Things you can hear

Listen out for sounds you may not have paid much attention to…traffic outside…birds…a plane…people talking…

2 Things you can smell

Inhale deeply and try to identify two different scents…coffee…soap…perfume…try and add a positive emotion to each scent – this will keep your mind in the present moment.

1 Thing you can taste

Focus your attention on one thing you can taste, and, again, add a positive emotion to the taste…coffee…tea…a homemade cake that somebody has brought in…

The benefits of the 54321 Technique 

• It can reduce anxiety, panic and stress
• It is an immediate distraction from the issue that is causing distress
• It increases sensory awareness; if you are out walking, don’t just notice trees – start hearing the birds in the branches…feel the rough texture of the bark…smell the scents of nature…
• The calming effect of grounding helps to regulate emotions
• Regularly practicing this technique will redirect your mind from distracting thoughts, which can help to improve concentration and focus

I hope you have found this article interesting.  Solution-focused hypnotherapy can help with issues such as anxiety, stress and panic attacks by quietening the limbic system and by focusing on positivity, self-belief  and self-esteem.

 

Resource Reference

Gupta, S, (April 29, 2024), Feeling Anxious?  Try the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique, available at: https://www.verywellmind.org

 

One of the most important parts of our Initial Consultation, and subsequent sessions with our clients, is the explanation of how the brain works in relation to their issue; clients often comment on how enlightening it is to understand why they are feeling or behaving as they are.  Nearly every client has shown an interest in understanding the brain, and, as I find neuroscience fascinating, I have researched some facts about our brains…                             

1.   The average adult brain weighs about 3 pounds…60% of this dry weight is fat, which makes the brain the fattiest organ in the body
2.    The brain will grow three times it’s initial size during a child’s first year of age…at 2 years old it will be approximately 80% of the size of an adult brain.  It will then continue to grow until they reach 18 years of age, and it will continue to mature up to the age of 25 years
3.   Everything we see, think and do is processed via neurons…which can transmit information up to a speed of 250 mph.  The brain contains approximately 1 hundred billion neurons, and each neuron can transmit 1000 nerve impulses per second
4.   The brain can’t feel pain…it can interpret pain signals but it doesn’t feel pain
5.   The brain starts to lose some memory and cognitive skills once we reach our 20s…and it starts shrink once we reach middle age.  It is the only organ in the body that undergoes changes up to this time, and it sees more changes than any other organ in the body.
6.   The brain uses 20% of the oxygen and blood in our body…it needs a constant supply of oxygen, and being deprived for as little as 5 minutes can cause brain cells to die, leading to brain damage
7.   When a limb has been amputated…the Central Nervous System, which includes the brain, can continue to feel the pain of the amputated limb.  This is known as Phantom Limb Syndrome
8.   Alcohol affects the brain…in ways including slurred speech, blurred vision and unsteady balance.  Prolonged alcohol intake can affect the brain permanently
9. The brain continues to work while we are asleep…This is usually expressed through dreams and metaphors
10.  Approximately 75% of the brain is made up of water…it only takes about 2% hydration to affect attention, memory and cognitive skills
11.  25% of the body’s cholesterol is located within the brain…brain cells need cholesterol, and deprivation will cause brain cells to die
12.  The average brain is believed to generate up to 50 thousand thoughts each day…and 70% of these thoughts are thought to be negative
13.  Men’s brains are generally 10% bigger than women’s brains…but the hippocampus (linked with memory and stored patterns of behaviour) is generally larger in women’s brains
14.  Human brains have got smaller over the last 10-20’000 years…the lost volume is equivalent to the size of a tennis ball
15.  Records of brain surgery date back to stone age times…the oldest known surgical procedure was “Trepanation” which involved using a sharp stone to drill into the skull.  This may have been for magical or religious reasons, or may have been medical.  This procedure is now known as a “Craniotomy”
16.  The visual areas of the brain are at the back…this is why you will see stars if you bang the back of your head!
17.  Exercise is good for the brain…it encourages production of neurotrophins, which leads to greater brain plasticity which promotes better memory and cognition
18.  Reading aloud uses different brain circuits to reading silently…when children first learn to read, they speak the words out loud.  Reading aloud is more beneficial for a child’s brain development than reading silently
19.  Yawning cools down the brain…sleep deprivation raises the brain’s temperature.  Rest and sleep is essential for the brain, particularly for memory retention.  Sleep deprivation kills brain cells
20.  Brain activity can power a small light bulb…while awake, our brain generates about 12-25 watts of electricity, which is enough to power a small light bulb.

As we can see, the brain is a phenomenal feat of engineering.  Research has shown that maintaining a healthy brain can lower the risk of developing neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s.

So what can we do to improve our brain health?

• Get a good sleep routine.  We should aim for 7-9 hours each night.  This will help with improving brain function and memory
• Build up a a sweat.  Regular physical activity can help improve flexibility, strength, balance, energy and mood
• Protect your head.  Brain injuries can affect thought, memory, coordination, speech and emotions.
• Look after your health.  Some medical conditions, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease, can raise the risk of developing problems with thinking and memory
• Meet up with friends.  Being social can help to fight depression and stress, both of which can worsen memory.  Social isolation and loneliness have been linked to a higher risk of a decline in thinking skills and onset of Alzheimer’s
• A healthy diet can help to prevent or delay symptoms of dementia.  Diet should include leafy greens and other vegetables, berries, nuts, whole grains, poultry and fish.  Butter, cheese, red meat and sweets should be limited
• Work your brain with activities that engage your mind, such as crossword puzzles, reading, volunteering, learning a new skill or to play a musical instrument
• Restrict alcohol intake.  Drinking too much increases risk of falls, can cause memory problems and can worsen diabetes and high blood pressure
• Drugs (both recreational and medical) can affect brain cell function.  Read the labels carefully.

I hope you have found my article interesting.  As a Solution-focused Hypnotherapist I can help with issues such as anxiety, sleep, hypertension, stress and depression.  If you would like me to help, please contact me.

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

07375 122742

 

 

Resource reference

Burket, J, 22 Facts about the Brain…World Brain Day, available at: https://www.dentinstitute.com/service

Simple Steps for Brain Health, available at:  https://www.brain.health

 

“When life gives you lemons…make lemonade” were the first words I heard when I linked into a video tutorial during my counselling training.  This saying has always resonated with me and, when I was setting up my office, a poster with these words was the first thing I wanted.

The metaphor was first coined by anarchist Elbert Hubbard in 1909.  There are variations such as “…make a gin and tonic”, “…make something sweet” and “…add salt and tequila” which all carry the same message…

The message refers to turning difficult situations into something with a more positive outcome.  The idea is that we accept challenges with a positive outlook, turning those metaphorical bitter lemons into refreshing, hydrating lemonade.

Like many people, I have had a fair few lemons thrown at me, particularly during the last 15 months.  However, I don’t always keep the lemons and re-work them – sometimes I give them back!

I pick up each lemon and consider it…I weigh it up in my hand…is it ripe…fragrant…can it be useful?

Or is it old and mouldy and not useful…so give it right back!

Let me give you a couple of examples…

A useful lemon that I worked with…A few months ago I fractured my ankle and needed surgery.  That was a massive melon-sized lemon, and I had nearly eight weeks of plaster cast, surgical boot and walking frame.  However, I was able to gain two new experiences; I’d been planning to volunteer with a mobility charity, with my intentions being to “be useful” and to meet new people.  My temporary disability meant I gained a real insight into being dependent on other people, and losing my mobility and independence, and I gained a new perspective on why I wanted to volunteer for that charity.

The other experience involved travelling on buses; once I was allowed to bear weight on my foot, but before the boot was allowed to be removed, I used buses to travel around – and I found I enjoyed this so much that I continue to catch a bus somewhere at least once a week – the bus stop is literally just around the corner from my house, I can create a day out and I don’t have to worry about getting caught in traffic or trying to find a parking space.

• Challenges can become stepping stones towards a more positive future
• Failure can become a learning opportunity
• Reframing negativity can cultivate a more positive mindset

A lemon that I gave back…I read an article on authentic living and recognised myself as a people-pleaser.  Not extravert, and fairly quiet, I have often been excluded from being included as part of a group (“sorry – I forgot you” or “oh, sorry – I didn’t see you there” after she has said good morning to the people standing next to me).  I  often volunteered to be designated driver or to do unattractive jobs as it guaranteed I was a useful member in the group,  However, having read the article, I was determined not to be a people-pleaser any more and I started to make changes.  One of my volunteer jobs requires somebody to lift and carry something heavy and awkward; it’s too heavy for the older volunteers, and nobody else fancies doing it, so it was left for me because they knew I’d do it, with one colleague having told me “we’ve delegated you to do it”.  I’m recovering from a fractured ankle and I still have muscle discomfort, and every time I did the lifting I felt resentment, both for being delegated to do it, and with myself for not being more assertive.  I started saying “no” – I politely explained why, but I didn’t back down.  I gave that particular lemon right back – and it felt amazing!  I realised that saying “no” and putting myself first sometimes was ok…and actually quite empowering.

• It’s ok to say “no” and not accept the situation
• Saying “no” can be empowering, and can boost self-respect and self-esteem
• Saying “no”  allows you to prioritise yourself and can reduce stress

So remember…you don’t always have to accept the lemons – only make lemonade if  it works for you!  I hope you have found my article interesting.  Solution focused hypnotherapy can help with boosting self-confidence and self-esteem by focusing on strengths and abilities,  and boosting positivity and self-belief.

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

07375 122742

A few years ago I heard a track playing on the radio…

“Walk tall…walk straight…and look the world right in the eye”.  The lyrics resonated with me, and the catchy tune has stayed at the back of my mind ever since, although, for several years since I first heard it, I remembered it as “Walk tall…walk high…”.  Both versions work, and carry the same message.  Written by songwriter Don Wayne, it was a UK hit for Val Doonican in 1964 and, a year later, a US hit for Faron Young.  The lyrics carry an interesting story; a mother is passing on her wisdom to her son, encouraging him to exude confidence  and pride, and hold his head up high.  Although he initially strays from the path of virtue, he eventually remembers the message and takes notice.

There’s a lot of truth in those lyrics.  If you stand tall and engage eye contact you will look confident.  The photo shows me as a dancer many years ago, feeling very nervous before dancing in front of a large crowd of approximately 200 people. Normally quiet and not very confident, I smiled at my audience, lifted my head, strode forward and danced…somebody later approached me and asked about joining our dance class…

So how can we appear more confident?

• A smile is always a winner.  It doesn’t have to be a big, fake grin; the half-smile (sorry, I know I keep mentioning it, but it’s a good technique) is absolutely fine.  Just turn up the corners of your mouth to form a small smile – as well as looking more confident, it will send a message to your brain that you are relaxed, and you will also look more approachable and in control.
• Engage eye contact and use the 60/40 rule; look the other person in the eye for approximately 60% of the time or, if that feels uncomfortable, start by focusing on a spot close to their eyes.  Eye contact shows interest and engagement in what the other person is saying but remember not to fix your gaze – it can feel intimidating.
• Keep your chin up and look ahead, rather than downwards – this will show interest in the other person and your surroundings.
• As the lyrics say, walk tall…keep your back straight and your shoulders pulled back.

“Believe in yourself and all that you are.  Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle”.           Christian D. Larson

Now, let’s take a step forward and look at how we can actually feel more confident…

Focus on your strengths and remind yourself of what you have achieved.  Challenge your negative thoughts – recognise them for what they are, and consciously reframe for a more positive outlook.  We can usually reframe other peoples thoughts more easily than our own as we apply rational logic to what they are saying, rather than having an emotional investment.  I have learnt to recognise and challenge my own negative self-talk; I now know how the brain works, and am aware that my negative self-talk comes from the negative emotional primitive mind (which automatically thinks worst case scenario) rather than the rational left pre-frontal cortex.

Wear something which makes you feel comfortable – I don’t just mean something that feels relaxed, I mean something that suits your body shape, and which you know fits well and looks good on you.  If, unlike me, you are comfortable with wearing heels – rock them!  Wearing red can make you feel more confident; it is a powerful colour which can exude command.  Blue conveys trust, reliability and credibility.  Wearing black or navy blue exudes authority, confidence and sophistication.  If you don’t feel comfortable wearing an outfit in a particular colour, use that colour with accessories, a tie or shoes.  I’m not entirely comfortable wearing bright or “strong” colours but I use them with accessories. I’ll share a secret with you; I’ve been collecting handbags for about twenty years some are branded, some are designer and some have just caught my eye.  The purple raffia bag in the photo makes me feel positive as soon as I pick it up, and it gets more comments and compliments than the rest of my collection put together!

If you are giving a presentation you will feel more confident when you know your subject, and you know that you are well prepared and well researched.  Remember, questions are for people to gain more information, not to trip you up.  And remember to smile at your audience!

Look after your own wellbeing – introduce a bit of fruit into your diet…take on some exercise…set a sensible sleep plan…engage with friends and family…step out of your comfort zone and take on a new challenge, such as voluntary work or a new skill or activity – this can increase your sense of self-esteem, confidence and will produce feel-good serotonin.  Set small small goals to reach your challenge, and celebrate achieving each goal.

Social Anxiety can feel tough – it’s more common than you may think.  Although I’m more confident now, there were times when I used to dread social events because I never knew what to say to strangers.  I found having a couple of subjects lined up helped me.  Quite often, people wait for somebody else to speak first.  When I lived in Wales, everybody spoke to everybody; at the bus stop…in a shop…on the train…there were no barriers.  When I returned to Sussex I noticed a marked difference; people would speak…as long as I spoke first.  I realised that being the first person to speak made me feel confident.  Another thing to consider is that nearly everybody likes compliments.  Find something complimentary or positive (as long as it’s genuine) to say to at least one person wherever you go.  You can usually find something good to say to anybody.  Saying something positive to somebody will have the effect of making you feel good, which is empowering – and, if they have had a bad day, it may just be that bit of brightness to lift their day.

I hope you have found my blog interesting.  Solution-focused hypnotherapy can help you to develop your confidence by helping you to identify and work with your strengths, while quietening down any negative self-talk.  If you would like me to help please do contact me.

07375 122742

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

 

 

 

 

My very dear Welsh friend, Yvonne, was very proud to be, in her words, “the only person in Wales who can’t sing!”  She could sing – very loudly and very confidently – just not in the same pitch, tone, or key as everybody else.  But she loved to sing during karaoke evenings, even though she knew she probably wouldn’t be invited to join any Choirs.  She laughed along with her friends, audience members became new friends, she had a great time and she gained all the benefits from singing that other singers gain…

I sing with three Choirs; two Church Choirs and a Community Choir.  I taught myself to read music and, because I don’t think I can hear rhythm, I do a lot of beat-counting.  I suspect my enthusiasm outweighs my talent, but, for me, singing is pure joy, and I’m going to share why…

So…what are the benefits?

• Singing increases the number of positive neurotransmitters in the brain, releasing feel-good chemicals – endorphins, serotonin and dopamine.  I also believe that the right song can also trigger oxytocin – the love chemical
• Singing is perfect for reducing anxiety and stress.  Even just singing along to the radio on the drive home from work after a busy day at work will help to reduce stress
• Singing can help with improving lung function; breathing for singing increases use of muscles around the ribcage as well as improving lung capacity
• Singing is a good cognitive workout as it engages both hemispheres of the brain, with focus on memory, concentration and creativity; we may be reading the music (or at least the words!), remembering the tune, listening to the timing and adding dynamics to the notes – quite a multitask but it usually all falls into place
• There may be a particular song, whose melody and lyrics resonate with you, and singing along to it can release memories or deep emotion
• Learning to sing, or developing your singing, is a skill you can set yourself as a challenge; as well as practising singing in tune, you can learn to read music and you can develop your controlled breathing
• Most of us can sing.  Clinical Amusia (the term most used to describe the phenomenon of being unable to perceive and produce music) is mainly a congenital impairment, and not common, so it follows that the vast majority of us can learn to sing in tune – Yvonne was the exception but she didn’t care, and just carried on singing anyway.  You don’t have to worry about singing the highest Soprano notes, or the lowest Bass notes; there are different voice parts to suit vocal ranges and there will always be songs that work with your vocal range.

“The only thing better than singing is more singing”                                                                                                                                             Ella Fitzgerald

Lets now take a step forwards, and look at The Benefits of Joining A Choir;

There are Choirs in every neighbourhood, for every level of expectation, ability or confidence; Community Choirs, Church Choirs, Chamber Choirs Choral Societies, Rock Choirs…most, in their own way, “perform”  to an audience or Church congregation, which can be an amazing self-confidence boost, not to mention the “high” afterwards, when it has gone well.  Take your time finding a Choir you feel comfortable with; the right Choir and Choir Director can make the difference between the Choir being enjoyable…and being a life-changing experience.

Community Choirs focus on enjoyment and singing a wide repertoire of well-known songs that most people will recognise.  Most Community Choirs don’t audition singers, with everybody being welcome, and it doesn’t really matter if you aren’t experienced as you can just follow the singers around you – we’ve all been there!

Chamber Choirs and Choral Societies tend to sing more formal pieces, such as Requiems, to a very high standard.  Emphasis is on accuracy and professional-standard presentation, and it is helpful to be able to read music, and be “tuned in” to timing and listening to other voice parts.  They may require an audition or at least a “voice check” to ensure that you are singing in the correct vocal part for your voice.

Church Choirs tend to sing mainly Hymns and Anthems, which range from Baroque to Modern.  Again, being able to read music, and listen to other voice parts, is helpful.  I can’t hear rhythm, but I do a lot of beat counting, so I just about get away with it!

Although different types of Choirs have different objectives, they all have common ground.  Research (Clift, S, et al, 2010) has found that Choral singing can greatly contribute to our wellbeing.  Synchronising our singing voice with other voices enhances social bonding and, being a shared interest, it encourages conversation, friendship and a sense of shared achievement.  It can also be a great boost for confidence and self-esteem – learning the notes, getting timing right and singing how the conductor wants the music to be sung is quite an achievement!  If you’re not  too confident speaking to new people, you can focus on your singing – the social bonding will develop in time.  If you’re not too confident singing, start off quietly and just sing what your neighbour is singing!

A few years ago I sang with a Choral Society; the sound of nearly a hundred voices singing the first few notes simultaneously was, for me, like a plane roaring along the runway, and is a memory I will never forget.

Singing can be good for health, wellbeing, morale, lifting mood, bonding, relaxation, friendship, self-esteem, self-confidence, finding a sense of purpose, learning new skills and producing those all-important feel-good hormones.  Just something to think about…

www.backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

 

Resource Reference

Clift, S et al (2010), Choral Singing and Psychological Wellbeing, available at: https://researchgate.net

Most of us have done this at some time…left our homework until last thing on Sunday evening?  Avoided that all-important task until the last possible moment before, or just after, the deadline?  Saved a daunting-looking project for another time when (if it doesn’t miraculously disappear) we will have more inspiration and it will be more manageable.

Research (Ferrari J, Diaz-Morales J, 2014) suggests that 20-25% of Adults, and over 75% of Students worldwide are procrastinators.  The website verywellmind.org defines procrastination as:

“The act of delaying or putting off tasks until the last minute or past their deadline”.

So, isn’t it just another term for laziness?

Contrary to what we might think, it isn’t laziness.  No, it goes deeper than that.  Procrastination can often be linked to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, ADHD and OCD.  It can also be linked to stress – people who procrastinate can have high levels of anxiety and/or stress and, because they may also procrastinate over seeking medical help, they can create a vicious cycle of putting things off and suffering ill-health.  Studies (Sirois, 2023) indicate that our stress levels are elevated as a result of procrastination.

Types of Procrastination

Procrastination is widely regarded as a self-defeating behaviour pattern.  Researchers (Zohar et al, 2019) suggest two types:

• Passive Procrastinators, who delay tasks because they struggle to make, and act on, decisions
• Active Procrastinators, who deliberately delay a task because working under pressure challenges and motivates them

So why do we procrastinate?  There are several reasons:

Lack of self-belief – If we don’t have enough faith in ourselves to believe we carry out a task successfully we are more likely to not complete the task, or even to start it

Anxiety – anxiety or fear may drive us to avoid a task, such as a medical appointment.  The more we fear a task, the more we are likely to delay it.  This may increase our stress level, which may than add to our ill-health.  Procrastination with exercise and changing to healthier eating can lead to hypertension and cardiovascular disease

Peer Pressure – Anxiety about other people’s opinions and feedback may influence us in delaying the completion of our task.  And we may bow to peer pressure to do a preferred alternative activity when we should be completing our task

Environmental distraction – most of us now have access to social media, and there is always the temptation to divert online to interact, or to play a quick game (and one more…and one more…)

Cognitive Distortion – sometimes we may mis-calculate or underestimate the time needed to devote to a task, or we may believe that we need to be more inspired, or in a better frame of mind…which may occur at a later date

Present Bias – Studies (Phelps, E, Pollak, R, 1968) have identified the Present Bias phenomenon, which could be a factor in procrastination.  It means that we tend to be more motivated by immediate gratification or rewards than we are by long-term rewards

Perfectionism – Some people delay completing a task because they believe they won’t complete it to their perceived high enough standard, believing that if they delay it, inspiration will miraculously happen later

Loneliness – Sometimes we associate challenges with being alone or with rejection.  When we don’t have to be accountable to other family members or friends, it’s easy to fall into the mindset of “I can do what I want, when I want to do it and however I want to do it.  And if I don’t want to do it, I don’t have to”

ADHD – People with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) may have the additional challenge of a reduced attention span, or hyper-focus on other preferred activities

Ways to Self-help

• Break up the task.  Break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks that can be addressed gradually.  Pace yourself in a way that is realistic and manageable for you
• Challenge and Reward.  Set the challenge of completing a certain amount each day, or maybe a set time to complete the whole task.  Set a reward so that there is motivation to complete the task
• Set the Environment.  For the Students in the family, find somewhere quiet, or without obvious distractions.  You can adjust the room temperature so that you are not distracted with being too hot or too cold.  Switch off devices linked to social media so that you are not disturbed.  Seating can help with posture and correct screen positioning can avoid eye strain.  Background music or noise-cancelling headphones may be helpful
• Planning Resources.  Make use of resources such as post-its, flow charts, time-mapping, timers and electronic diaries.  Software can help; The Trello and Asana apps are good for project management, and Google Calendar is good for reminders
• Self-Care – Its ok to take breaks, to avoid overwhelm.  Maybe set a timer for half-hourly or hourly slots, followed by a 15 minutes break.  If you have a mental health concern, seek medical advice rather than ignore it.  And don’t forget to follow up health check-up invites
• Build Community Ties – Try a new activity, or volunteering, where there is  a sense of structure, others are relying on you, and where you need to be in a specific place at a specific time

Solution-Focused Hypnotherapy can help with addressing root causes such as anxiety, depression or low self-esteem, reframing negative thinking, and working towards reduced anxiety or stress, increased self-belief, positive thoughts and manageable goal-setting

If you would like me to help, please get in touch.

debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk

 

 

Resources

Cherry, K, (July 2024), What is Procrastination?  Why we keep putting things off, despite the consequences, available at: https://www.verywellmind.org

Frye, D (Reviewer), (May 2025), Loneliness Makes Us Procrastinate, available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com