You’ve got through the first 48 hours. That was the most intense part of coping with your loss. And you’ve survived. Let’s now look at moving forwards.
I’m going to suggest a solution-focused approach here; Firstly, think about three things that have been positive. It may sound like a big ask, but there will be things. Secondly, think about how you are currently feeling. Rate yourself on a positivity scale from 1 to 10. Now, think about one small positive change you can make. It doesn’t have to be a big change, it can even just be a tiny tweak so that you can move yourself one step up the scale. Changes have included displaying a favourite photo of a pet, buying a beautiful flowering plant for the garden and, in my case, re-training as a pet bereavement counsellor.
Loss can take many forms – a loved one, a beloved pet, separation, job loss – we all cope with it differently because it affects us all in different ways. Some of us process the bereavement stages at a more steady pace, while some of us may have other issues that affect being able to cope. When I retrained as a Pet Bereavement Counsellor I realised that people weren’t approaching me because they had lost their pet; they were approaching me because they had underlying issues such as anxiety, depression or PTSD, and losing their pet on top of that was unbearable for them. Depression affects 1 in 4 Adults in the UK at any time – if you think you may have depression or PTSD please seek a medical diagnosis and treatment.
Some people find it helpful to journal their feelings. Studies (Lam et al, 2018) suggest that journalling can help us to accept, rather than challenge, experiences. It’s also useful to look back and see how you’ve progressed.
You’ve probably heard the phrase “Time heals”. It sort of does. Your sense of loss doesn’t go away, but the moments of grief usually become more stretched apart, with longer periods of stability between moments of grieving. Bereavement isn’t linear – think of it as more of a wavy line; there will be ups and downs; maybe your pet’s birthday or the first anniversary of your loss, but it does usually become gradually more bearable.