“When life gives you lemons…make lemonade” were the first words I heard when I linked into a video tutorial during my counselling training. This saying has always resonated with me and, when I was setting up my office, a poster with these words was the first thing I wanted.
The metaphor was first coined by anarchist Elbert Hubbard in 1909. There are variations such as “…make a gin and tonic”, “…make something sweet” and “…add salt and tequila” which all carry the same message…
The message refers to turning difficult situations into something with a more positive outcome. The idea is that we accept challenges with a positive outlook, turning those metaphorical bitter lemons into refreshing, hydrating lemonade.
Like many people, I have had a fair few lemons thrown at me, particularly during the last 15 months. However, I don’t always keep the lemons and re-work them – sometimes I give them back!
I pick up each lemon and consider it…I weigh it up in my hand…is it ripe…fragrant…can it be useful?
Or is it old and mouldy and not useful…so give it right back!
Let me give you a couple of examples…
A useful lemon that I worked with…A few months ago I fractured my ankle and needed surgery. That was a massive melon-sized lemon, and I had nearly eight weeks of plaster cast, surgical boot and walking frame. However, I was able to gain two new experiences; I’d been planning to volunteer with a mobility charity, with my intentions being to “be useful” and to meet new people. My temporary disability meant I gained a real insight into being dependent on other people, and losing my mobility and independence, and I gained a new perspective on why I wanted to volunteer for that charity.
The other experience involved travelling on buses; once I was allowed to bear weight on my foot, but before the boot was allowed to be removed, I used buses to travel around – and I found I enjoyed this so much that I continue to catch a bus somewhere at least once a week – the bus stop is literally just around the corner from my house, I can create a day out and I don’t have to worry about getting caught in traffic or trying to find a parking space.
- Challenges can become stepping stones towards a more positive future
- Failure can become a learning opportunity
- Reframing negativity can cultivate a more positive mindset
A lemon that I gave back…I read an article on authentic living and recognised myself as a people-pleaser. Not extravert, and fairly quiet, I have often been excluded from being included as part of a group (“sorry – I forgot you” or “oh, sorry – I didn’t see you there” after she has said good morning to the people standing next to me). I often volunteered to be designated driver or to do unattractive jobs as it guaranteed I was a useful member in the group, However, having read the article, I was determined not to be a people-pleaser any more and I started to make changes. One of my volunteer jobs requires somebody to lift and carry something heavy and awkward; it’s too heavy for the older volunteers, and nobody else fancies doing it, so it was left for me because they knew I’d do it, with one colleague having told me “we’ve delegated you to do it”. I’m recovering from a fractured ankle and I still have muscle discomfort, and every time I did the lifting I felt resentment, both for being delegated to do it, and with myself for not being more assertive. I started saying “no” – I politely
explained why, but I didn’t back down. I gave that particular lemon right back – and it felt amazing! I realised that saying “no” and putting myself first sometimes was ok…and actually quite empowering.
- It’s ok to say “no” and not accept the situation
- Saying “no” can be empowering, and can boost self-respect and self-esteem
- Saying “no” allows you to prioritise yourself and can reduce stress
So remember…you don’t always have to accept the lemons – only make lemonade if it works for you! I hope you have found my article interesting. Solution focused hypnotherapy can help with boosting self-confidence and self-esteem by focusing on strengths and abilities, and boosting positivity and self-belief.
debbie@backontrackhypnotherapy.co.uk
07375 122742